I’m 26/f and I lived w/ my bf who’s a year older than me. We’ve lived together for 3 yrs . Things that makes him special to me are: he is a nice person, down to earth, humble, caring, compassionate, understanding, helpful, genuine, and giving but like all relationships, we do argue and can lead to him verbally disrespectful. We had fun and enjoyed each other’s company and seemed inseparable. Now we hardly spend time except when he comes home to eat or sleep or feel like just coming home whenever that time comes. Another thing that changed from when we first met is now I’ve gotten myself in alot of debt paying bills, shopping,etc. We argue alot. I argue and am frustrated and irritated alot. Now I try not to argue but I’m now depressed. I think alot of it is b/c of my financial situation and he doesn’t seem to help and on top of it he’s always gone out and comes home anytime of the day or night. He sleeps late and wakes up late.
He works as a mechanic buying and selling cars whenever he gets to it. I work in sales by commission only and I try to stretch my paycheck til my next sale, but it’s hard when most of the time I’m paying our rent and bills by myself. He never really had a real job. He claims he loves me but I want more from him. I want to be successful and it seems I’m getting depressed seeing my life w/ him like this. I do love him, he’s a nice guy and cares for me but I don’t think he’s motivated enough for me and it’s dragging me down. Maybe it’s me also. I shouldn’t let him affect my production and my emotion but it does. I feel like I’m depressed. Lately, I haven’t left the house and I haven’t really done anything positive or productive. I work at home and when I walk by to get a drink and see him sleeping late in our bedroom, it disgust me. But when he’s out w/ his friend I always tell him to come home. He says I’m not letting him do what he needs to do, but I know whatever it is he’s doing out there isn’t all positive.
I get upset that he doesn’t bring any income everyweek at least to support himself and his bills. I’ve tried to let him go, but he wouldn’t move out. Now I’m pregnant, and he still hasn’t change his ways. It’s really bothering me but I do care for him alot. I think he cares for me too. I think he would do anything for me, I know he wants to help, but it’s been 3 yrs and nothing change. I’ve pretty much grew up from 3 yrs ago when we first met. I have a different goal in life and want more things in life, and he still the same person that likes to hang out and live day by day. We have a baby coming and I can’t live like that. He seems very content w/ his life, which I admire b/c he doesn’t seem stress like I am.
Is it me? Am I being selfish or materialistic? Am I supposed to be okay that he doesn’t work. He only makes money when he sells a car but the good thing about him is he does gives me all the proceeds from the sale of his car which I admire b/c not all puts their eggs in one basket. But most of the time, I do pay for all his expenses w/ the car before he can sell it; example the car itself, the paint job or parts for the car and he does the labor putting it together? This kind of income from him doesn’t happen on a routinely basis. Remember, he only works when he gets to it. It can take a couple of weeks or months before he finishes a car, so meanwhile, I have to support both us.
Also, am I asking too much when I get upset that he comes and goes in the house as he pleases; example wake up 11am-1pm then be gone til 7,8,9 or pass 12am up to 3am or so. And it’s not like he brings bread and butter everyday or week like it would seem like b/c he’s always gone, you’d think he’d be bringing lots of money. I feel like he’s taking advantage of me. He does help in the house like tidyin up and some chores. And he seems to care for me, but is that enough. Now I have a baby coming, and I don’t know what to do. Sometimes or alot of times, I think of just moving out and getting my own place, since he wouldn’t move out although it is my apt. Someone suggested to call the cops, but I can’t do that to him. When I start to think about it, I start to feel bad, is he going to be able to pay the rent and take care of himself.
I kind of miss being on my own living on my own, but I remember it was lonely at times. I think that’s why I fell inlove w/ him. I was lonely. I wonder if I can managed to be alone and not be lonely. I have to weigh things out, should I stay w/ him and just be stress about his ways ( I feel like I’m his mom always making sure he does the right thing and to stay out of trouble and always telling him what to do which I’m tired of doing)or live on my own and raise my child by myself and have control of my life. Will I’ll be able to do so? I feel bad for my unborn child b/c I do want him to be w/ his dad. He’s very excited w/ the baby. What should I do?
