I have been married for 13 years now, 3 kids, and for 6 months now, I have been trying to get a new job. Well, I got a job offer, put in my two week notice, and accepted the new job in a different state. I leave in two weeks, and have put my home up for sale but has not sold yet too, so my wife and kids will stay until we sell the house, or so I thought, she now says she is not going, she says she doesn’t want to be that far away from her parents and family. Man!!! what do I do? I don’t want this job, I’m ready to move, and the kids want to move too. What do I do?
We did talk about this for the last 6 months, and she said yes to the move.
Wow – you are in a world of trouble. You should do what is best for the children. Her connections with her family must be strong and they are probably pressuring her to stay. If you go ahead and move and give the children a choice to move too and they go… she will follow. She needs some time to process everything.
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Sounds like it is too late. Why didn’t you talk with her about moving before you got the job? If your marriage is lacking communication (and it sounds like it is) then it is no wonder she wants to stay near her family. I would want that to.
You and your wife need to be a team. It doesn’t matter what the kids want. You must put her first. Go out for dinner, just the two of you, and discuss these issues soon.
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Have a family meeting and/or talk to her parents and maybe someone close can convince her otherwise. You really should discuss with your wife why this job is important to you. However, ask yourself if this job offer is worth destroying your family. Can you say divorce? Sometimes change is good for some and not all. Write out a list of pros and cons about moving. If one outweighs the other, then you would have made your choice.
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Did you discuss this move before you resigned? If she agreed and is now backing out you are left with 2 choices. Try to get your job back by explaining to your employer what happened (most will elect to keep you due to the cost of training a new worker), or move to the new job and commute. The words extremely unfair come to mind. You might also want to talk to her family (with her there) and see if there is anything that can be worked out. I’m sorry but your wife is extremely egocentric.
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She is married to you, not her parents and family. Take the kids and move, get them in school. Let the wife make a decision. YOu guys talked for 6 months. She had plenty of time to get ready to go. She should have spoke up long ago.
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