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what do you think of my essay for a 11th grade class?
This entry was posted in Land For Sale and tagged America, bicycle, bicycles, Columbia, conflict, conflicts in the world, delta, essay, Eye, federal government, gas, gas prices, Government, grade, Iraq, Israel, lebanon, News, Nigeria, Nigerian Delta, nigerian government, north korea, oil, oil prices, Part, people of nigeria, summer assignment, tribes, united states, world. Bookmark the permalink.
11 Responses to what do you think of my essay for a 11th grade class?
to long to read the whole thing sorry
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you defintly got a a shawty a very big A+
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YAWN
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yah it great and they really should tell us about that sort of stuff on the news
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You need to have someone good with grammar read over your essay, use fewer rhetorical questions, and spend less time talking about WHY you chose this topic and spend more time talking about the topic itself, unless your assignment specifically asks you to discuss why you chose your topic. Also say “in my opinion” and “I believe” kind of things less– if you back up your opinions with facts, you won’t need to qualify them.
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Believe me, you don’t want to encourage countries to “get involved” in any African conflict – particularly in Nigeria. Lagos is one of the scariest, most lawless places on the planet.
You seem to have a bit of a conflict over why you wrote the essay too. Is it about American dependence on oil, Nigeria, the price of gas….? Which?
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First, did you use a word processing program to type this or did you hand write it? If you did not use a word processing program you need to because there are some grammatical errors, etc. Second, If you have time can you search the web for sites that have paper writing formats because it needs to follow an outline closer. It doesn’t exactly “flow”. Third a little long. Try following an outline closer and it should help tremendously. Hope this helps.
Augusta State University english department.
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Sentence 3: Comma after “is” can go away.
Sentence 6: Semicolon after “modern life” should be inserted.
Sentence 8: The USA is at war with Iraq and Afghanistan. Israel is at war with Lebanon. Read the papers.
Note 1: Change words such as “don’t” to do not. You can use “don’t”, but it can get on an English instructor’s nerves if you do.
Other than those problems, I do not see much else wrong with this essay. For future references be sure to check your spelling and grammar, that makes a big difference in your essays.
Student, English Major.
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You have filled it with “Fluff” and bored me SH!TLESS.
The message is strong and the story is long.
Thin it out and go over your text again.
Quote – “Oil producing countries generate a large portion (of their of their) (?) revenue from sale of oil. One such country is Nigeria;. ”
QIl producing countries generate a large portion of their revenue from the sales of oil. You have already told us the country in the first paragraph no need to repeat.
Your english needs further editing for your work to become a powerful message. Written the way it is sounds like another tirade. Aviod this!!!
For an 11th grader not too bad but still trim and stop repeating yourself just so you can count the words.
Lastly, read it like you did not write it!!
Student, English Major.
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It looks pretty good now run it through spell check and go for it.
Student, English Major.
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Student, English Major.
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